Exam jokes

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !

Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ? Pupil: How did you know ? Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

Great news; teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So what's so great about that ? It's snowing outside !

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher ? Lots of blood tests !

What kinds of tests do they give witches ? Hex-aminations and Spelling tests!

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea? Son: She took it like a lamb. Father: Really ? What did she say? Son: Baa!

Father: How were the exam questions ? Son: Easy. Father: Then why look so unhappy ? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, but the answers did !

Father: How did your exams go ? Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject. Father: What do you mean, nearly 100 ? Son: I was just a digit out; I averaged 10!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !

Father: Why did you get such a low score in that test ? Son: Absence. Father: You were absent on the day of the test ? Son: No, but the boy who sits next to me was !

Love and Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Funny jokes

Software engineer and his wife
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry,
cancel.

Refreshment

Interviewer: Let me check your word Power.
Santa: Okay Sir.

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa: Bad
...
Interviewer : Come
Santa: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa: Pichlli.

Funny stuff for facebook status update

• 5 penguins are on the beach then 3 flew to Florida but 2 came back. how many penguins are there? Why are you counting? penguins can't fly & they don't like heat
• Rose's are red.. violets are blue. sugar is sweet and so are u, But the roses are wilting and the violets are dead. the sugar boles empty and so is your head :D
• By the time you finish reading this you realize you just waste 8 seconds of your life just cause you got curious and decided to read my status... loser! :D
•  when someone pisses you off it takes 82 muscles to frown, but it only takes 12 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother f***ker across the face
• Dear friends: Please update my status when I am dead just to freak people out :D
• <- hey look that's my name...my name is on the Internet...wow...cool!
• is not ALWAYS on Facebook, you just always happen to be on at the same time. which means you're the one ALWAYS on Facebook... see the logic?
• last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling??!!
• This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.